Most parents, thinks children are not aware of the environment they are growning up in. Especially the mother who feels she needs to provide a secure home by keeping the ‘family together ‘ in an abusive or unhappy relationship will benefit the children.  It is the most crucial age for a child as their mind is untouched, like a blank slate at a developing stage.  As newborns, they know nothing of the world and the negative impact of anger and violence.

Think of a child as a sponge. The sponge is put in a box in which several different colors of paint surrounds it. The sponge is bound to absorb a bit of each color or paint until it is full. Just like the sponge, a child is constantly absorbing everything in sight, behaviors, mannerisms, and personality traits from the people that surround it. Their mind is still forming, they take their character from their emotions – they learn more from what they see than what they are told. If the behaviors the child picks up on are negative, then the chances are that the child will repeat these behaviors as commonplace because for her/him—they are.

When a child comes into this world, a child has a right to a childhood, to play, to be loved, to be happy and be free from violence. It’s just like planting a seed in the soil. In order for the seed to flourish into a healthy and fruitful plant you have to water it, nurture it, to make sure it has sufficient sunshine and air. Similar to a child upbringing you have to nurture her/him with love, care and happiness in order for that child to reap the beautiful rewards of life.

I remember as a defenseless child growing up in the battlefield of domestic violence, though many times I got caught in the middle and played the role as the referee, the communicator, the pacifier in the family to make the violence stop. I was severely and emotionally effected with aggression, pain and resentments. The best way for me to share these feelings with you is through the following poem I wrote.






I don’t know what trigger the war between my mother and father…


While I lay in my mother’s womb I cried in vain as I felt her pain

When I came into the light I did not see her smile with great delight


Through the eyes of a child, quivering with fear, tears cascading down my face

I witnessed my mother being battered by the hands of my father so many times

Through the ears of a child, I heard strident voices all day long

Through the heart of a child, I felt all their suffering, pain and emotions

Through the mind of a child, the imprisonment of fear, loneliness and unhappiness was always there with no one to share


Now I am here as a ‘Conqueroress’ to help society drag domestic violence from the darkness into the spotlight to empower others, who have been abused and are suffering to speak up, seek help so they can break free of domestic violence forever to rebuild their lives.


©M V Aberdeen (2009)