I feel some of you are pondering over this question a little longer than others, especially as it is the season of love and romance – yes, Valentine Day is in the air.

February has long been a month of romance. It is the month associated with Valentine’s Day celebrations. A time when we all want to be in love, as Valentine’s plays us all to believe that to be loved is the root to happiness, peace and fulfilment.

When we think of Valentine’s Day, we often think of red roses, colourful cards, mouth-watering chocolates in heart-shaped boxes, silky lingerie, mushy valentines, and winged cherubs flying about shooting starry-eyed lovers with arrows. Read More »

Tech Support: Yes..., how can I help you?
Customer: Well after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes I can help you! Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now. Read More »

Perhaps more importantly: Do you know who you are? How do you feel about yourself?

To some of you these questions may be a bit startling.  As very few of us take the time to ever ask ourselves these questions. We tend to live in ignorance of ourselves and our needs. We get so caught up in our daily activities and forget the essential things to discover who we are and what we want to do with our life.

Before I proceed, I would like to read a paragraph from a book I read a few years ago while I was undergoing some turbulent challenges and it has added a great deal of value to my life. The name of the book is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

            “A beggar has been sitting by the side of a road for over thirty years. One day a stranger walked by. “Spare some change?” mumbled the beggar. I have nothing to give you,” said the stranger. Then he asked:”What’s that you are sitting on?” “Nothing,” replied the beggar. “Just an old box I have been sitting on it for as long as I can remember.” “Ever looked inside?” asked the stranger. “No,” said the beggar. “What’s the point? There’s nothing in there.” “Have a look inside,” insisted the stranger. The beggar managed to pry open the lid. With astonishment, disbelief, and elation, he saw that the box was filled with gold”.

I am that stranger who is telling you to look inside yourself in order to find valuable treasures anxious to be discovered in ‘Knowing Yourself’ (see services) your own true self and no one else.

WHO ARE YOU?

That is the question you should ask yourself first, rather than what is going to happen to your life.

You rarely hear this question being asked. You usually hear: What do you do?  I have got some awakening news for you. What you do; does not identify you. It’s just a job. You can’t be yourself if you don’t know, understand, and accept yourself first.

Have you ever noticed how often we think about things outside of ourselves?  We worry and wonder about what other people think about us.  We think about other people and how they are doing. We tend to know more about other people than about ourselves. Not to say the least, I am sure the majority of you know more about celebrities than about yourself. Where they were born, how many films they made and how many awards they won. If they had a facelift, a boob job or a lips suction.

If you wish to find out more about the crucial pointers to give you a kick-start on your journey of ‘Knowing Yourself’, Just leave your email above.

Domestic Violence is global virus that has been in existence for thousands of years and affects people irrespective of their gender, race, culture and economic status.  On average, 2 women a week are killed by a current or former male partner.

Q. WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

A.  Most of you already know the different forms of domestic violence so I am not going to list them; if you haven’t the foggiest idea, check out www.womesnaid.org.uk. It is a crucial crime, health and mental issue, and should be drag out of the darkness and put in the spotlight. Women, rich or poor, remain in abusive situations mainly because of low self-esteem, fear, conditioning, exposure as a child to domestic or child abuse in the home, poverty or the inability to financially provide for themselves and their offspring.

Q.  THE EFFECT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

A.  It causes lots of physical, emotion and mental pain. Being exposed to violence and abuse often results in a loss of confidence and loss of self-esteem. There are lots of expectations on women to make their marriages work and to be a good partner and mother – when things go wrong it is often the woman who is considered to be at fault. Women often feel that they are in some way to blame for the abuse that is directed to them, and feel a strong sense of shame that it is happening. The perpetration will often contribute to these feelings by telling her that she provokes his violence, that she “winds him up” or that it is all her fault.

Here’s my version of what I think the that horrific crime in a poetic format which I hope will assist lots of women who are experiencing domestic violence:

 

Domestic Violence…

…is a CRIME!

It’s an unlawful brutality to the individual and society

It’s an emotional, physical battering and abusive relationship

It’s an intimidating assault with cruelty, pain and torture

Domestic Violence is an unmerciful manipulative torment

It’s a threatening and humiliating behavior

It’s a horrible bash with a dangerous smash

It’s a repetitious ordeal with low self-esteem

Domestic Violence is a health and mental issue

It’s a slap; punch, kick, choke, rape with murder so near

It’s vicious and ruthless with dilemma in gear

It’s a scream for help with a great deal of fear

 

Domestic Violence is an emotional and psychological abuse

It is a conditional and exposure to children so near            

Stop! Look! Listen! There’s a baby wailing in the

cot and kids huddled in the corner quivering with

fear and tears cascading down their faces

 

Domestic Violence is unacceptable

Don’t be ashamed

Speak out! Speak out!

You are not to be blamed!

 

Domestic Violence is CRUCIAL CRIME!!!!

 

© Margaret V Aberdeen (1996)

 

Most parents, thinks children are not aware of the environment they are growning up in. Especially the mother who feels she needs to provide a secure home by keeping the ‘family together ‘ in an abusive or unhappy relationship will benefit the children.  It is the most crucial age for a child as their mind is untouched, like a blank slate at a developing stage.  As newborns, they know nothing of the world and the negative impact of anger and violence.

Think of a child as a sponge. The sponge is put in a box in which several different colors of paint surrounds it. The sponge is bound to absorb a bit of each color or paint until it is full. Just like the sponge, a child is constantly absorbing everything in sight, behaviors, mannerisms, and personality traits from the people that surround it. Their mind is still forming, they take their character from their emotions – they learn more from what they see than what they are told. If the behaviors the child picks up on are negative, then the chances are that the child will repeat these behaviors as commonplace because for her/him—they are.

When a child comes into this world, a child has a right to a childhood, to play, to be loved, to be happy and be free from violence. It’s just like planting a seed in the soil. In order for the seed to flourish into a healthy and fruitful plant you have to water it, nurture it, to make sure it has sufficient sunshine and air. Similar to a child upbringing you have to nurture her/him with love, care and happiness in order for that child to reap the beautiful rewards of life.

I remember as a defenseless child growing up in the battlefield of domestic violence, though many times I got caught in the middle and played the role as the referee, the communicator, the pacifier in the family to make the violence stop. I was severely and emotionally effected with aggression, pain and resentments. The best way for me to share these feelings with you is through the following poem I wrote.

 

A DEFENSELESS CHILD…

 

WHACK! SLAP!

 

I don’t know what trigger the war between my mother and father…

 

While I lay in my mother’s womb I cried in vain as I felt her pain

When I came into the light I did not see her smile with great delight

 

Through the eyes of a child, quivering with fear, tears cascading down my face

I witnessed my mother being battered by the hands of my father so many times

Through the ears of a child, I heard strident voices all day long

Through the heart of a child, I felt all their suffering, pain and emotions

Through the mind of a child, the imprisonment of fear, loneliness and unhappiness was always there with no one to share

 

Now I am here as a ‘Conqueroress’ to help society drag domestic violence from the darkness into the spotlight to empower others, who have been abused and are suffering to speak up, seek help so they can break free of domestic violence forever to rebuild their lives.

 

©M V Aberdeen (2009)

Some 3,073 people were killed in the terrorist attacks on the United States on 9/11. Between that day and June 6 2012, 6,488 U.S. soldiers were killed in combat in Iraq and Afghanistan, bringing the death toll for America’s war on terror at home and abroad to 9,561. During the same period, 11,766 women were murdered in the United States by their husbands or boyfriends, both military and civilian. The greater number of women killed here at home is a measure of the scope and the furious intensity of the war against women, a war that threatens to continue long after the misconceived war on terror is history.

Extract from Tomgram: Ann Jones, The War Against Women

There are many of us who have experienced abuse and violence in one way or another. Whose aim is to help society unlock the bondage of the traumatic physical and physiological effect of domestic violence on women, men and children?

We are unable to turn the clocks back to fix or repair whatever we feel that went wrong in our lives. Suffering, challenges, mistakes, feeling unloved, blame, guilt and shame, they are all part of life – no human being is guaranteed a perfect positive happy life. The only thing we can do is to be true to ourselves with acceptance, letting it out and forgiveness, along with faith, hope and trust, in order to grow and move forward, no matter what storms we have had and are to encounter.

Looking back, I realized I had to go through the dark side of my life in order to discover all the rewarding treasures in the light. How else would I have found my strength and weaknesses to make me WHO I AM today and assist me with what I passionately love doing – instilling love, peace, unity and happiness in others, coordinating and facilitating workshops, writing and public speaking as to what I am doing at this very moment with you all.

These poems and writings are a kaleidoscopic version of my childhood memories growing up in the battlefield of home. Every word written has been therapeutic and a healing process into coming to terms with releasing my thoughts and feelings and adulthood experiences of domestic violence. Releasing and sharing my thoughts and feelings about domestic violence is very therapeutic and has assisted me in healing myself to create a positive transformational outlook towards life in order to help others break free of domestic violence forever.

Please accept them with love and harmony.

 

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