Understanding what happened
Memories are leftovers from the past. They don’t go away. It’s how you deal with them that count. Though I left home at an early age with the thought of escaping to freedom and happiness, I thought I had erased and left all the unhappy memories of my childhood behind. I was wrong. I took all the baggage, crippling burdens of emotional pain and resentment, along with me. I did not realise I had to de-junk my emotional pain from my mind, body and soul by letting it out until it no longer felt like an emotional barrier for me to live a happy and healthier life. Taking on responsibility for my own feelings rather than avoiding or suppressing them, even if they are painful and unbearable at times, has made me aware that repressing my negative emotional memories helped to trigger my physical illnesses and attracted those predatory males who have a keen eye for vulnerable young women.
All my sufferings make sense now
I believe every setback is a set-up for a greater comeback, if the experience causes us to pay closer attention to what’s going on in our life. All my pain and sufferings were acting in a compassionate way to alert me to change my lifestyle. Having had an abusive upbringing, I now know, unconsciously, I sought out what was familiar to me. Though I received counselling, attended spiritual groups, meditated and read books, I realised I was the only one who could take the action to disinherit myself from my past habitual thought pattern and consciously reconstruct my life.
Life is full of choices
It was a long journey before I learnt there is a wealth of choices in life. Although I was unable to control the circumstances that occurred in my childhood, relationships and illnesses, I no longer refer to my past as traumatic events, problems, illnesses or diseases. I choose to define such happenings as CHALLENGES and an ongoing process to life, which has made me BETTER, not bitter. To let go of past unhappy memories I have forgiven my parents for their actions and myself for the thoughts of injustice in my upbringing, including my ex-partners, family and friends who may have done me wrong. I am abundantly grateful for the part they each played in my life in making me who I am.
I can finally see victory
All my adversities were learning curves to test my strength and weaknesses in making my life meaningful, to fulfil my commitment I had as a child to help those who have been abused like my mother. They have helped me to re-evaluate my self-belief, restructuring my lifestyle in a different way and increased my self-confidence and self worth with the realisation that all I was looking for externally – love, compassion, respect, trust, forgiveness and lots more – are within me. This all stems from Knowing and Loving Yourself (see services) along with acceptance, letting it out and forgiveness.
Life after domestic violence
Though I still carry the scars of my challenges, right now I am living a much brighter, happier and healthier life with abundance of gratitude in each moment of my existence. I am my own best friend, whom I treat with love, compassion, respect, trust and forgiveness. I am conscious of the thoughts I choose to put in my mind and the peace I choose to put in my soul. I look after my body; I eat well, walk regularly and take care with my grooming. I meditate and do a lot of reading on self-help and personal development and write a daily gratitude journal. I’m single now, choosing to live alone, and am planning to stay that way for a while. It’s given me the chance to pursue my own interests, find myself and share my challenges with others to thrive not just survive.
My promise to you…
…is to share the best processes that helped me turn my challenges into gifts which have supplied me with skills, strategies and tools to produce ‘Break Free of Domestic Violence Forever’ modules to show YOU how to turn the mirror on yourself to see the reflection of your humanity, strength and self-worth. (see services)
I hope that my story has helped give YOU the courage to maintain your decision with the realisation that there is ‘Life After Domestic Violence’. YOU have all the strength YOU need within YOU to rebuild your life, no matter how difficult it may seem right now. Don’t accept abuse as part of your life. YOU deserve the best this world has to offer because YOU are the best. YOU are a worthy, special and beautiful person emerging like a caterpillar to a vibrant butterfly, spreading your wings, setting yourself free to fly high up in the sky.
“Man has a choice of action in whatever situation occurs in one life. Everything can be taken from man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – the ability to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”.
Man Searching for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Read Margaret’s life’s purpose My Promise.